Missing
by whimsycality
Summary: Liz mourns the death of a relationship that burned so brightly, it left only ash in its wake. Dreamer, angsty.


**A/N: **Another Liz POV, this time set in season three, or potentially post Grad, Dreamer, angsty (of course), but for once not a hint of polar, not even if you squint. The song is by Evanescence and as usual I own nothing but my own twisted, apparently angst obsessed muse.

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><p><em><strong>Missing<strong>_

_Can you stop, please?_

_Can you stop the fire?_

_You can't stop the fire,_

_You won't say the words_

_Please, please_

You used to burn for me. Your eyes were like pleasant licks of flame against my skin and you watched my every move with endless fascination. When you touched me the fire burned brighter, so bright that you made me glow, until I thought I would melt from the intensity of your regard, of your devotion. You started this fire inside of me, you built up the flames until I burned for you too, and now the fire is consuming me because it has no outlet, because you don't touch me anymore.

I want it to stop, because it just hurts now.

I want you to burn for me again.

_Please, please forgive me_

_But I won't be home again_

_Maybe someday you'll look up_

_And barely conscious you'll say to no one_

"_Isn't something missing?"_

I hope you'll forgive me for the abandonment, if you notice it at all. I know the others will only see betrayal and petulance, an unwillingness to forgive and forget. But they don't know. They don't know that I don't care what's happened, or who's happened, or that some of it's my fault and some of it's yours and that so much has kept us apart that maybe it's not worth it to be together. I don't care about anything but you, and the burn I still feel when your eyes flick over me ever so briefly before moving on.

But I can't stand knowing that you don't feel the same burn. I can't stand knowing that when you look at me, you no longer see me, that when you talk to me, you no longer hear what I say in response. I can't stand knowing that you no longer care, but that you still keep up the pretense out of habit. It hurts too much and I can't take it anymore so I'm going far away in hopes that with enough distance, I'll stop burning too.

_You won't cry for my absence I know_

_You forgot me so long ago_

_Am I that unimportant?_

_Am I so insignificant?_

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?_

What hurts the most is that I don't think you even remember what it felt like when you did care, when I was the only thing that mattered to you. It was frightening, being the center of your world, but like a moth to the flame I couldn't resist the pull, and I made you the center of mine as well.

I changed my life, my dreams, my habits, my words, all of me, all for you. And for a while, as the north for each other's compasses, life was perfect. But at some point your compass started spinning, directionless at first, and now pointing towards something I can't see and you won't let me be a part of and I can't get mine to change. I don't know how to point anywhere else now.

I wonder sometimes, if when it first began to spin, when our world first tipped off its axis, if you noticed. If you cared. Because I know you don't notice, or care, now, and I can't bear to think that maybe you never did. That I was that easy to forget.

_Even though I'm the sacrifice,_

_You won't try for me, not now_

_Though I'd die to know you love me,_

_I'm all alone_

_Isn't someone missing me?_

You risked it all for me once. Your life, their lives. You suffered for me, fought for me, _lived _for me. And now I might as well not exist for all the attention you pay me. I want to rage and scream and hurt you the way you're hurting me. I want to hurt myself if that's what it takes to get your attention, but as your eyes slide unseeingly over me and your fingers brush against my arm as you leave once again, the scream dies in my throat because there's no point.

You gave up on me. You gave up on us. Maybe it's my fault, my fault that I followed your, but not your, orders. I don't know and I can't change it now. You know the truth of what I did and why, and I know the truth of who you did and what it caused and I'm willing to pick up the pieces, but you don't even notice that we're broken, that _I'm _broken, and I can't fix it on my own.

_Please, please forgive me_

_But I won't be home again_

_I know what you do to yourself_

_I breathe deep and cry out_

"_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?"_

I know you'll feel guilty, because that's what you do, that's who you are. I don't want you to blame yourself, even if some of it is your fault. Because it's not about fault, it's not about causes or effects, not anymore. It's about what is, and what isn't, and what used to be, and apparently, what will be no more.

I don't want you to look for me, if the idea crosses your mind, because even if you found me, it won't change anything. You still won't see me, you still won't touch me, and you still won't burn for me. You'll just learn to pretend better, and if you do that, I might pretend I think it's real, and that's just a slower death than the one I'm living now.

I do wish you'd miss me though, at least a little, because I will miss you with every single burning, aching, painful breath, until I draw my last, no matter how close, or how far, that breath is.

_And if I bleed,_

_I'll bleed_

_Knowing you don't care_

_And if I sleep_

_Just to dream of you_

_And wake without you there_

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't something…?_

But if you do miss me, you won't miss me long. I'm just a shadow now, not a real person, and shadows are hard to miss. You have a new center of your world, how I envy him, and I know he consumes you now, until there's no room left to burn for me. If forced to choose between us, I know you won't choose me, but though I know it, I can't face it, so I won't let it come to that. I will remove myself from your life so that guilt and habit won't make you keep trying to heal me, to love me, when you just don't anymore.

I'm empty now. I was so full of you, of loving you, and I can't just turn that off the way you did. Even now, I still dream of you every night, and every day when I close my eyes. I dream of the way it used to be and when I wake up I want to cry until I fall asleep again. Because something's missing, and only in sleep, can I come close to it again.

I'm leaving, and I'll miss you, but I know you won't miss me.

Goodbye my love, I will always burn for you.

_Can you stop, please?_

_Can you stop the fire?_

_You can't stop the fire_

_You won't say the words_

_Please, please_


End file.
